Tom Brady has stayed out of the spotlight since his retirement, weighing his options for the future and enjoying life without the rigorous schedule of an NFL quarterback. One offer for nearly $500 million from woke brand Nike is definitely off the table
“I don’t do the woke thing,” said Brady, “I like to keep to myself and count the money I already have.”
According to our financial department, his theory is probably sound. “If he were to go woke,” said Senior Financialist Joe Barron, “He would likely go broke, as so many before him have.”
That’s true, patriots. Just look at some of the failures of last year. Garth Brooks. Broke. Bud Light. Broke. The NFL. Broke. All of these things were doing just fine and now they’re on their way out, all because of silly woke ideologies.